Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Borders

Well it's also been a full day without any addition to my blog, but as I've not been around to contribute it's no great shakes. Today has been a mixed day in a way. School wasn't that bad, as I did something that made me feel as if I contributed, whilst hiding away from everything else. This evening I went to the football, and though the game wasn't the best, it was certainly better than sitting at home and doing nothing at all. That's how I would have spent the evening otherwise, and at least I was entertained.

So whilst things in the main have been positive other things which might negate my mood have risen, but haven't really knocked me off the positive mood I'm in right now. I know that I'm too late now to apply for a job with Barnardo's where I volunteer for, not that I want to work for them in a way. I could probably walk into a job there, but having been turned down once before (on my interview), and also knowing the attitude of some staff to my views on how that place should be ran is another reason for not applying. It's strange as I've volunteered there for 17 or 18 years now, only 2 members of staff preceed me there, and yet, I'm still not listened too. They listen when they want information or when they want me, but no other times. That frustrates the hell out of me, but I don't do anything about it. I do what I do best and that's bottle it up and then take it out on myself.

Having ranted on about Barnardo's I should point out that I love volunteering for them, they let me do what I'm best at, and that's working with children directly. It was volunteering for them at the tender age of 15 that altered my life, in that I recognised that I had a talent for working with children and that I really enjoyed it. While a lot of my peers were sat at home or going shopping with there friends during our summer holidays (all 6 weeks of them), I'd spend 2 or 4 days a week, working on playscheme's and feeling really good about it. So much so that nearly 2 decades later I'm still doing the same thing. I may complain about lack of holidays, and that's due to two reasons, cost and secondly Barnardo's. I'd be lost without Barnardo's summer playscheme's and as the prices of holidays increases in school time, I find it hard to afford any sort of holiday abroad.

Again I'm in a mixed zone, after going on about how positive I am, how cheerful I feel, I sit here having written the previous paragraph and feel nothing within me. I can't find enthusiasm to continue with that thread, and yet I know it would be correct to do so. It's an impossible mood me thinks, and one to try and solve. On Saturday I'm going down to Winchester to see Lisa, now that's going to be around a 3 or 4 hour car drive. That's no problem for me, it's just not having a car radio to listen too that's the problem. What I know I'll do is explore everything that I have felt this week and probably over the past couple of months. If I can't sort my head out after this road trip, then I'm going to have to really sit down and do something. Life is too short to complicate things, and we as human's have the habit of complicating things for ourselves, we are at times our own worst enemies.


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