The Force

I seem to be fluctuating in moods this week, while not quite on top form, my mood is far greater today than it was yesterday and that of Wednesday. I have a clear idea as to why that is and to a point I'm not going to divulge that reason just yet, but it is due to self image.

The question is where is this entry going to take me? I started it, with no sense of direction, nor for need to rant, like the previous entry. I guess this is a magical mystery tour of my mind. That can be good, while that can be bad as well, but it's rarely neutral. As I peer out the window, and can see the soft hues of a sunrise creeping across the clear sky, I can see the first frosts of this winter and now can confirm that summer and Autumn is gone for another year. Another year, where I can look back on lot's of things, more positive than negative I think, and a year where I've learnt how to control my negativity. Yes, I've had times where I've wanted to leave work, as I wasn't enjoying it (I'm still not to be honest, but that's been told). I've had problems with other people as well, but in years gone by I'd have curled up and wanted to die. This year, I may have cried wolf on that a couple of occasions, but I can't say that I ever hit the bottom, and apart from a few weeks around the end of May/start of June did I break from smooth level of sanity.

This may contradict what I said in terms of my mind being either good or bad, but for me it's easy to understand. What I mean is that I don't see any middle in things, something is either good or bad, left or right, top or bottom. A collective of negative things, and by negative I mean things that aren't what I expect or want, and I'm down, and of course the opposite is true of positive. Sanity though is different. Sanity is the important to everyone, dip below the line of Sanity and you can do crazy things, below isn't good, it's fueled by anger and frustration all of which are forms of the darkside. Crazy things can be done going beyond the line of Sanity, but they are the light side in a way, appreciation and understanding can lead myself to going beyond the point.

I'm happy that it's Friday, of course. It's the end of the working week, and United are playing at home. This means that Lisa is coming up, which she is doing tonight, and we may go out for a meal. I know full well that should this not happen, I'll be a bit down, but that's just me. I'm aware that she may not be up in time or much feel like going for a meal after driving up from Milton Keynes, but hey it's something to look forward too for myself. I've also got an hospital appointment this afternoon, where I'll find out the results of a liver test and scan that I had way back in April. Now if anything was wrong I'm sure that I would have been called back sooner than now, so I'm feeling positive about this. My liver seems to operate at a higher rate than most, I know this through having regular blood tests for well over two years. My liver base line results seem to be at the very high end of the "normal" scale, which has concerned a lot of doctors, but nothing seems to have come of this right now. I just hope that I'm correct in my presumption.

All things come to an end and my mind has drawn a blank in terms of where to take this post, so I'm going to call it quits and possibly stick on the second disc from the Shrek 2 dvd I've got. I've yet to see any of that yet.