Breathing

9 days since I last posted, it doesn't seem like 9 days, but I'm afraid it is, and I'm so sorry for everyone who knows this page of have found it recently. Anyway lot's has gone on, and I'll try and keep you up to date with them.

I have previously indicated on these pages how I felt that I was in a self destruct mode, well it doesn't help that my body is breaking down on me. Over the past few days, I've had the liver biopsy, which wasn't too pleasant, and my shoulders have been giving me lots of problems. I don't really know why my shoulders have gone so bad, I'm keeping them moving and doing all the exercises I've been given. Coupled with these two problems, it seems that I'm becoming susecptable to blisters again from my hot water bottle. Two in a week isn't good, and though the water bottle isn't as hot as it has been, I'm still finding myself blistering easily. This though I can handle, as it's not half as bad as it has been. Then my teeth are giving me some aggrivation. I know I need the dentist, but it's cost that's holding me back. I do need some heavy work done on them I'm aware of that.

Just to go back to the biopsy, that wasn't nice. The needle in didn't hurt, but it was mightly uncomfortable, and wow my shoulder took a beating out of it aslo, as the liver and right shoulder share a nerve. I managed to read a whole book in my time in hospital, and it was good fun being able to read so much. I do enjoy reading and I don't get too much time to sit and read like that. I should make time for myself. I was advised to take things easy for a week or so afterwards, just as a precaution of course. I'm feeling ok now, but I'm awaiting the results, I'm very nervous about them now. I know prior to the biopsy I wasn't concerned, but so many thoughts have gone through my mind since that time that I'm very worried that the results will turn up with a nasty shock to me. Living with this right now isn't easy.

My current job search isn't going too well right now. I've been looking for something, but not really finding anything or what I have found I've not heard back from. This is typical of my look, I really should try and get someone to help me with writing application forms, but that is tangermount to telling the world that I'm thick, and that I can't sell myself. If I can't sell myself in an application form then god help me in an interview, where I tend to fall apart. I'm not at all confident of myself in those situations, I get very nervous, and revert to the shy non communative person that my inner self is. I hate that part of me, and though I've tried lots of things to beat it, I'm still very shy at heart. I would rather be harsh on myself than sell myself.

So life goes on, I breathe and I guess that's the most important thing I should be happy with...