Lesson's

Well it's been 7 days since I "sprung" out of the spiral that I'd got myself into, and if I'm honest the past 7 days have been a lesson too me.

I can't say that I've had a great 7 days, but they've not been the worse of my life either. I've not been as high as I was last weekend though. I don't know why I've slipped this week, but I certainly have. I guess that I can try and pinpoint things here.

Last weekend saw me change my regualar meds, which could have accounted for some of my mood swing, but it was too soon, as the first day of the new meds was last Saturday. It may have been down to a culmination of things, but I do know that I was excited about the week ahead. Perhaps it was the way that things at work were going. More of that though to come. I don't know for sure, but if I ever get that high again, I'll tell you all.

Work though is maybe the thing which has transformed my mood again. It isn't as if I'm doing badly, far from it or so say my peers and management. I guess the the only way I can describe it, is that I've been on a road since I arrived at Salford Families, flying at 100mph. Most of the road is familiar territory, which has meant that I've been on cruise control, for most of the way. I've hit a few bumps, but that's normal, nothing to shift me into manual control. Then all of a sudden this week, I've seemingly hit a wall. I huge wall, the size of China!! and I'm finding it hard to get around.

So what is it all about? I don't know I think I'm making myself paranoid that I'm going to fail this playscheme and that I'm going to continue with my perpetual failure. I don't have a shred of evidence to prove this too myself, or any evidence to even suggest this. All the home visits have been positive, I'm ahead of most people in them and also in terms of transport. I guess it's the little things which are getting to me. The expectation that I'll be ok, because I've done playscheme's before is something I've got to live with. The problem is that I've never had to do everything before. I may also be getting myself in a mess, as I'd normally offering help to everyone in the office at this time of year, and yet no one is doing so to me. I don't mean my peers, but my assistant. She is great, wonderful and the best I could ask for, but it's me placing higher expectations on her, or perhaps throwing my own expectations of myself upon her.

I'm getting there, but it's not easy. I should also point out that this past week has seen me work 46 hours, which is over twice as much as I should work, thus giving me plenty of overtime. I need a break, I think I have stated previously that I had missed a half term break by changing jobs, well it's hitting home right now.

So what else has gone on this week. Well London seems to be at the centre of attention this week. I have to say this right now, I deplore terrorism. I detest the thought of injuring people like that. That over with, let me give you my opinoins on London and everything surrounding it this week.

I don't want the Olympics in London, I think that London (as a whole, population and everything that encompasses that) is arrogant, and small minded. It considers itself to be the UK by itself. I bet if you asked most of the people within London, they wouldn't know where half the major towns in England, Scotland or Wales are. To them, London is the place, it is the UK and for that I really dislike them. Manchester made 2 bids for the Olympics, and if I'm honest got little or no support from the national government, which is based in London. Of course this bid of London's got total support and backing. I'd rather have seen the Olympics going to Madrid than any of the other countries.

Now onto the bombing of London this week. As you can gather I don't like London. I think that it's an ugly amalgam of buildings and cultures. I've seen many better cities in my time. If I could, I'd build some sort of dome over London, and drop a nuclear bomb on it. Then when safe rebuild the place from scratch. Manchester suffered a terrorist attack in 1996, and due to the damage has in the 10 years since totally regenerated itself. It may have lost most of it's heritage as such, but it's a beautiful place to be around. I would miss Manchester if I left the area right now. I know that I've also stated previously that I live in Salford and that Salford is better than Manchester. It is true, but for the majority Manchester is the city that most would recognise out of the two. London has a heritage and history as long as Manhcester's, though most would say longer and more historical, London is only the equal of Manchester.

London now has 7 years to regenerate, I hope they do that as well as Manchester did, they should look at how we did it, and not go interverted and think they know what to do. Manchester is the guiding hand to London. We showed the world how to put on a sporting event, with the 2002 Commonwealth Games, to which London will follow. We can now show London how to regenerate itself after a terrorist attack. Here's hoping that in 10 years time I can say I like London, I don't hold out much hope, but hey I'm willing to give it a try.