Monday, August 28, 2006

We're Back

Having found it difficult to get into my blog over the past week or so I've finally got into here to find the ability to post again. I'm sorry for the delay and more so in a week, when things have been busy and interesting. I'll find it hard to write everything up, but I'll try my best over the next few days or so.

I've got a bit more time now that playscheme's have finished for the year, and that all the stress of them are over. I'm however still rushed off my feet helping out on the Barnardo's stall at Manchester Pride 2006. The "Big Weekend" finishes this weekend and so tomorrow I'm seriously thinking of just staying in bed to relax, but we'll wait and see how I feel. I should go into work at some point and sort out my time sheets and also my mileage sheets as I've got some expenses to put on.

For now though, I've got to help find my mum a new television as her's blew up on Saturday night, which was the worse time possible as of course Sunday isn't a day a lot of places open still and today is a Bank Holiday in the UK. So no one, but the same few as yesterday are working today. At the same time the tv blew up, something started to go wrong with the digital set top box, so that's gone down as well. So from a reasonable size tv, with 200+ channels she's down to a 14" portable with only 5 channels!!!!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Missed News

I guess under all the pressure of what had gone on yesterday, I forgot to mention in yesterday's summary of the previous week, that I had a phone call on Thursday from work. It was my day off as such, but I'm still available to be contacted.

It was from my line manager, the one with whom I've had professional difficulties. She was calling me to tell me that she had found herself a new job and would be leaving us roughly around the end of October. The news itself wasn't too suprising to be honest, as I don't think she's been 100% happy over the past year or so she's been in post. If I'm honest I think there's more going on at that level than we've been told and that the amount of work she's had to do, to allow us to work any where near the way we had done was huge. I also don't think that we as a team have been 100% fair with her, in terms of most of the team had previously worked with the previous incumbent of the job and had grown used to her style. Only 2 of us hadn't, though I had in been around for her duration in post, I'd never really worked for her. Most of the team butted heads with the line manager, mainly as she wanted to impose her own style of working upon us all, which is fair enough, and the majority of us resisted that.

On a personal level, I butted heads with her as I tend to do things as I see fit and right, and thus when this clashed I would as is my want get agitated and frustrated, but wouldn't say anything. That only served to lead me to get angry and not do what I should have done and sorted things out. I've not been the best person in the world to manage, and probably will never be so, but I know I haven't made her life easy over this past year.

As a person she's great and a nice person, but we just clashed on many area's and I think that perhaps the only person that could manage me on that basis is myself. I'm very much my own person and need to be allowed the freedom to do things, and not to be restricted by very restrictive rules. For example not being allowed to take my Tuesday group out!! That has effected me so much over the past 12 months, to the point where by I'm going to change the group I run when given the very first opportunity. I have had enough of the group, even though I love it to bits.

Friday, August 18, 2006

What a week

I promised yesterday a longer post about the goings on of this week, and here's my attempt. The playscheme's have been rather tiring, and that's rather odd as it's normally the first week, which effects me the most.

Anyway, going right back, Monday was a quiet day to be honest, with nothing more than a 20 minute visit to work, to sort out some monies. Once that was done, I went home and didn't think about work till the next morning. Then things got rather interesting, as we were planning on going up to Preston to Space, a large indoor multisensory room. Everyone really enjoyed themselves in there including the volunteers. I think most of them were rather sceptical of it at first, but once there they enjoyed themselves. The problem with this day was the fact we didn't have a second minibus organised, and of course that meant that I had to use the projects bus. It is documented previously my dislike for having to drive and be in charge after the incidents concerning my Tuesday group. With that in mind the energies that I spent trying to sort that out and then driving and leading the group just took it out of me. Nothing against my assistant, but today was one day when she could have taken over to help me out.

If Tuesday was bad enough, come Wednesday and we were swimming. Now again it's not the exercise that killed me, I think it's the combination of that and also the previous day. By the end of Wednesday I was more like a walking zombie than human. So it was a matter of early to bed and see if I could rest up quite a bit. Thursday was my day off as such, but I did have to pop into the office to sort out my monies again, and appologise over that. Once that was done, I took my mum and niece out bowling.

That was fun, more so as we all bowled and all enjoyed ourselves. My niece wasn't too happy as she didn't beat me over 2 games, but she did beat me on the second game. Taking into account that I didn't bowl to do well and wanted her to win. Still she enjoyed it and wants to go back again, unlike the attempts to get her ice skating. Mind you we did manage to get out of her that she wants to join a girls football team and wishes to play in goals. This is new, but of course she's at the right age to join and learn. I'll pass on as much knowledge as I can to her and impart any tips to help her. After the bowling we went for a meal which was a rather painful experience as I walked straight into a table, whilst trying to follow my neice out to the play area connected the the pub. My leg currently has a bruise slightly bigger than a kitchen roll tube, and is a nice purple and blue colour.

As if that injury wasn't bad enough today was a nightmare!!!! One of the kids obviously took a dislike to me today and first attempted to trip me up, and made me stubb my toe into a table leg. This was my big toe on the same leg as the above bruise. Then later in the morning she threw a tantrum, which led me to take her out of the environment we were in. At this point I was head butted and pinched on my arms and hands. Once out of the environment, she promptly pinched me on my breast, not just a normal pinch, but a finger nail pinch. Same side of my body as the leg injuries. I was just getting over that, when I got told that there had been an incident in the area we were, (a local supermarkets cafe) and my assistant was in tears. It was true and so as a way of cheering her up, I bought her some flowers and made a fuss of her all day. If anything this was by far the worst day of the playscheme. It shouldn't have been as we were planning on going to my office to use the sensory room and play room they have there amongst other things. After being told we couldn't use one room we'd booked and that really we had no toys in the building, it was clear we weren't wanted in the base, and so that's why we went else where. If that wasn't bad enough, the person that indiciated that we shouldn't use the building, then had a go at me for taking them to the cafe. I can't win.

So it is now that I write this with a glass of wine in front of me, slowly getting drunk and trying to drown out the events of the day. Not to mention my feelings that in less than 48 hours time, Man Utd will be playing there first game of the new English soccer season, this will be a home game. It's going to strange at first and then down right horrible to work out that for the first time in 26 years, I won't be going to watch them. How I'm going to cope with it I don't know. I've spent most of my life watching United on my season ticket and now that has gone. I do regret giving it up, but I do know that there was no way I could continue to afford it. I'm rather ambivilent to it right now, but come Sunday I'm sure that I'll really regret it and be angry and frustrated by it.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The end is in sight

A quick and short note, in that I'll post a larger post over the weekend to cover the past week's event's. Things have happened that are due to be talked about, but my general well being has been one of being very tired. We are close to being 3/4 of the way through playscheme's and the last lap is upon us. I will find the energy very soon.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Dreamer's Ball

I guess that as I have a day off today I should perhaps write something in here, that isn't just me saying sorry for not posting much over the past couple of weeks. So I'll try my best, but of course things might just swing back to work as I try and illustrate how I feel and what's been happening.

Well going from Saturday onwards, it's been rather quieter than the previous week, in that no major problems have come up, and if anything it's been a pleasure to have things just go quietly. My aunt has gone back to her place this week, or should I say on Tuesday evenning when her grandson came up from his place to look after her. I'm really not sure how long she can go on living on her own, and though it's sad to say this, I think my mum accepts that she really isn't well enough to look after her. On the way back from taking her home on Tuesday, I told my mum that I'd object to her doing such a thing, and she did say that she couldn't do it. An example of this was last night. On getting home from work, and going to mum's she got up to the door as I couldn't find the keys to her house. As she answered the door and then started to walk back towards the kitchen, she was struggling to walk. I asked her if she was ok, and she told me she was tired. As if that isn't an example of how much looking after her sister takes it toll.

So I guess that's going to have to resolve itself, but how much my mum takes in that I don't really know. What ever happens though, the outcome won't be my aunt at my mum's.

Work wise things have been odd this week. Whilst both Tuesday and Wednesday went well in terms of everyone enjoying themselves, i.e. the kids on the playscehme's, yesterday I was at the end of my tether. All day I had kids asking me silly questions which they could ask anyone else, but with me being in charge it was me they turned too. It wasn't as if I had chance to answer them all, as 9 times out of 10, three or four of them would be asking silly questions all at once. I don't think I had a minutes break. Whilst it was a good day, my stress levels were increasing as the day went by. I got through it though and that's all that matters. Today is a day off and thus I don't have to worry about work. Yet, I've one or two things that need to be done today for work.

Last night I was very tired all night, and I'm thankful that I'm not on a playscheme today. What though really makes things odd, was that although I was very tired, I didn't really sleep that much to be honest. I had a catnap at my mum's after some tea, and then when I got home I went to bed at 11.30ish, and then couldn't sleep. When I did sleep it wasn't for long and I kept waking up, but and here's the strange thing. When I did manage to sleep it was a rather deep and intense sleep, which has to a point refreshed me, but of course the fact that I didn't sleep for a long period has left me feeling slightly tired this morning.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Lack of posts

So it's another 4 days since I last posted, and though not a lot has taken place, it feels like I'm losing touch here with you all. I do so apologise about the lack of anything new. By the time I'm getting in and by the time I've looked around my normal sites, i.e. those that are linked to this page, I'm in the mood to relax. So writing here isn't the number 1 priority. I will however once I get chance start to write here again on a more regular basis asap.

Saturday, August 05, 2006


This past week or so I've managed to neglect this site and I'm sorry for it. I promise you readers how ever few are left that it wasn't intended to be that way. It's just been a very draining week at work, the first week or so of playscheme's always are.

So I made it through the week, only just mind you. By 10.30am yesterday, whenever anyone asked me if they can help me, my stock answer was "Yes, here's some money go find me a bottle of JD and some Coke!" Out of the 3 playscheme's I'm running yesterday was by and far the most stressful, and probably the worst of the 3. I feel slightly guilty in that, but then last year I was complaining that my playscheme was going awful, and yet everyone enjoyed it. So I'm saying what I am, knowing that for others it's exactly the opposite of my own views.

I'm locked in a mini battle within as to should I go through the week in detail or should I leave my playscheme there on here and talk about other things. So I'm going to try and leave the topic and then if it comes later then so be it.

Apart from playscheme's this week has also seen a slight problem at my mum's with her bringing her sister back to her place to help look after her. My aunt isn't well, and from the early reports it's not a good prognosis, but that isn't confirmed yet. That is unfortunate, but the problem is that I don't think my mum's health is 100% far from it. If anything this won't help her and it isn't the actions that I would have either expected or wanted from her to be honest, but I can't tell her that. So I'm concerned for my mum's health as much as I am for my aunt's. Then to add to this my sister is working and leaving my neice with my mum. That meant that on Thursday I HAD to go around and look after my neice, which isn't a problem, I love that, but right now it was very much a bus man's holiday. Yet, Friday was different, my neiece would be left at my mum's all day as I was working. I felt bad about that, and helped solve the problems by taking "our" dvd's for her to watch.

The term "our" dvd's comes from the deal she always set's up. She knows that I enjoys some of the films that I take her to see. The likes of Shrek, Monster's Inc, etc. So the deal she comes up with, is that she wants the dvd's as the film was ace! If you buy it we can share it!! You buy it for me, but I'll let you share it with me. The terms are always altered so that I keep the dvd's and she has to ask me for them. That way they don't stop at her house all the time and leave me with nothing, to take to work etc. So yesterday when I took "our" dvd's round, they included, Shrek 2, Monster's Inc, Finding Nemo, Harry Potter 1 & 2 and The Incredibles. I know my neice was talking of watching all the Harry Potter films in one go, which would have taken her all day, but I'm not sure which of the films she did watch, but mum did say she was upstairs watching them all day.

So yesterday was taken care of, even if by taking the dvd's I could bribe her into letting me take her phlat ball to playscheme's. She goes on holiday for a week on Monday so next week is taken care of and with my aunt due to go home next week, I'm feeling a bit happier for that period, but I'm not sure as to how much longer we can let our aunt stay on her own. I know it's not our responsibility, but at the end of the day unless my cousin does something then it is down to us. As much as my sister and I tell our mum, she'll ignore us both and continue to try and look after my aunt.

And now it's the weekend, and time for rest and also a little catching up on things. I've really got to relax a little and try and recharge the batteries for the week ahead. I've also got to watch the last remaining dvd of the Six Feet Under season 4 boxset that I bought a couple of weeks ago. Once that is done, I can start watching and listening to the audio commontaries for the episodes. I've spoken at length before in this blog of my love for this show, and I can only restate that now, it's by far one of the greatest tv shows of all time, and I'd suggest that it's final episode is the greatest final episode of all time.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Playscheme day 1, 2006

Yesterday saw the start of playscheme's and to be honest yesterday went really well, the kids enjoyed themselves, the volunteers enjoyed themselves and to a point most importantly I enjoyed myself. I had no problems to declare and feel 100% with things relating to the Tuesday scheme. Today will be different, with different kids and volunteers. I've got a feeling that one of the kids will be moaning like hell, but tough.

Apart from that little news, my energies are focused on playscheme's so the majority of posts over the next four weeks will either focus on those or the problems that come with them. Sorry if that's a tad boring, but right now it's the way it is.