Wednesday, May 04, 2011

The impossible Dream

The ability to write long and profound posts in here diminishes with the strength of my moods. If I'm on a level ground I find it hard to write anything constructive, however if I'm positive or negative as has been the case over the past month or so it's really easy. That I guess leads to less writing which as I've stated time and time again is helpful to myself. So this is me trying to force myself to write.

I've finally caught up with all the tv shows I watch and feel happier for doing so. I'm not a huge tv fan, but I do watch certain shows and have missed them whilst being off line. It's always fun to be able to watch them in big clumps, but it's also a hassle as it takes so much time. Still it's done and now I have time to kill as such. That's prompted me to come here and write.

Life must be good as this isn't flowing out of me and I'm trying to say something, what that something is I'm not sure, but I do want to say something. Maybe I should look at other aspects of my life to see if that will tell me something? I'm currently going through a spell of listening to lots of 80's music, which might suggest that I'm trying re-kindle my childhood some how, but I'm not sure about that. I just know that I've rediscovered some music and am enjoying it. It's not even cheesey which I would normally consign my 80's likes to. So that's slightly strange, so perhaps I've been knocked off kilter by the down I've been on. Maybe my recovery isn't along the same road I usually follow, perhaps I'm on a different one all together which would be an experience. I don't even know if I could consider that this road runs next to the ones I ususally take, this one seems unique if I go by the music I'm using to cheer me up.

I didn't think I could get that much from the music I'm listening to, but then again I didn't think I'd get this much out full stop. Of course that could worry me, by suggesting that I've got more to say than I may have imagined, but not really I'm waffling and that's a positive. Well it's a positive as my mind is thinking clearly, though not effectivly, well not as well as normal, what ever that is.

Going back to the 80's what a reasonable decade that was, whilst many would like to consign it to history, I actually think it wasn't as bad as some make it out to be. Yes, in the 30 years since (I'm shocked it's that long ago), the world has altered beyond recognition, back in 1980 computers weren't common, in fact very rare to be honest, and life was so different. I don't think I could have imagined the world to be where we are today. Saying that though I was what? 9 in 1980, and how many 9 years olds has imagination to see this far in the future, all I can recall of imagining of the future then, was what I'd be doing during the next school holidays. I would love to go back and reshape myself, but were I to do that, I doubt this blog would look like this and I doubt I'd be in the situation I am now, but that is just guess work and whilst it would be "positive", it's only me trying to make things perfect, and we all know that peferction is impossible to achieve.

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