Thursday, March 29, 2012

Yay, Grrr, Yay, Grrr.......

Back in February I explained the stupid situation that had taken place at the estate agents with whom I rented my flat from.  My foot was not too pleased and I was on crutches for a while, and even though I've now dispensed and returned the crutches to the hospital I still feel the effects of the injury when walking too far or too quickly though it isn't a real issue.  

However the issue that caused the situation was money owed by me to them and the dispute over how much.  I had worked out that I owed a little amount and they then claimed I was no where near finishing payments etc. and I got quite stressed by it all.  Well after getting some money that I hadn't expected a few weeks back now I intended to pay the remainder off today.  I had a good idea of how much I owed and even though I didn't really want to use all the new money I knew it would be wiser if I did and thus settle that debt.  About 4 weeks ago I requested a statement from the estate agents telling me how much I owed, but it never arrived, so this morning I went to do my washing but also to pay my debts off.

On getting into the office I asked would they contact the person who deals with this and confirm how much I owed so I could write the cheque for them.  The total I was given was significantly less than what I had presumed, in fact it was no where near what I thought it was.  I asked for them to get the person to call me, as she was heading into a meeting.  I know it was a lot less than what I expected, and I shouldn't have complained, but with all the messing around previously I didn't exactly trust them.  So I waited for the call while doing my clothes wash, no call came.  So on packing my clothes back into my bags I went next door to the office and got put through to the person in charge.  It was then explained that the amount I owed was indeed the lesser figure and the higher total quoted to me previously after I'd lashed out with my foot was only so high as they hadn't had my benefit in yet.  This is good news, I'd have more money in my account than I had thought I would.

This though has left me pissed off and happy at the same time, I know I was stupid back in February, and I'm still not over that yet.  Howver all that was for nothing now, as MY calculations which I'd done previously before asking for official confirmation of what I then owed were indeed correct.  Even when they came back to me with the reduced figure without explaining the situation with my benefit, I accepted though I wasn't quite sure how they'd got to that amount.  Now though it's paid off, I'm free of that debt, I can work on the other, and whilst I know it's going to take time to pay that off, I have a bit of money to play with now and so I have a smile on my face, though I'm really pissed off at the estate agents.  

It's a strange feeling to be so angry and so happy at the same thing, I don't think I've been in this situation before..  So I move on and carry on living.  and sorting my monies out again.  Though with the good news that I'm also do an upgrade on my phone. Which means after 15 months of using an old phone after losing my previous one I can get back up to date with a smart phone and forget about the feeling in the dark ages with the one I've got.  It's served it's purpose and I'm grateful for that, but it will be good to get back to a phone I can do so much more on than what I can now. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Pushing Buttons

It's  now 8.36pm, and another day is over.  I sit down and ponder what to write, what stikes me more than anything is the silence.  It's almost absolute, the only things audiable is the faint hum of the fan on the computer.  The window in my room is open, but not a car or child can be heard from it.  It's strange, it's really strange, as even in the dead of most nights I hear something, but not tonight.  

Today hasn't been great in many ways.  I had a medical appointment this morning, with regards my hand where I fell a while back.  So at 10am, I set off on a walk to the medical centre which was a couple of miles away.  Knowing that I'd be there on time, but I didn't want to have to really push myself walking on another wonderfully sunny day.  After bumping into some old neighbours and having a chat I continued my walk and got to the medical centre in plenty of time.  Only to find that they had no record of me on the computers, so I was advised to go upstairs to the receptions up there and see if they had any record of my appointment.  Well this is me, this is me writing so you can imagine they didn't have any record of me and told me to return downstairs which I did.  I spoke to someone else this time and after she'd declared I had no medical records at all, only to figure she'd typed the wrong date of birth, we got some success.  They indeed have an appointment for me, but on the 17th April at 8.45am.  I wasn't happy, so they gave me the phone number of the clinc and I promptly rang them explaining that I'd had no written confirmation of this appointment or any written notification of it being cancelled and rearragned.  I explained that I wanted a later time in the morning and have altered my appointment since.  

However that did mean that I had walked to and from for no reason, I could have done a much more rewarding walk locally, but I guess that was my punishment for winding up one of my friends all day.  Being a City fan it's easy to wind him up, and more so if United have had any sort of decision go our way.  Push one or two buttons and away he goes, and boy did he fly today.  He did try to blame me for his failed attempt at some new sauce on his ice cream van.  Though when he described it to me, it was Mango and mixed fruit, to the next customer it was Mango and Apple, later on it was Mango and Grapefruit.  This is the same person that forgot to put his clocks forward on Sunday and in doing so was over an hour late picking his wife, and also drove to Wigan in his ice cream van, and then jumped in his cousin's car and got all the way back to Manchester only to remember he'd gone up in his van and had left it in Wigan.  So how he can blame me I don't know.  

So whilst not being constructive today has been fun, and the weather has been beautiful again.  I'm currently debating as if I should sign up and do the Manchester Shine Walk this year.  It's a marathon length walk, it's tempting but my only worry is my foot and knee right now.  I'm sure that I'd get through it no worries, and I guess I should bite the bullet as such, but I'm not sure about it just yet.  Let's see shall we??

Monday, March 26, 2012

Fruity Sunday

Another sunny morning here in Salford, another morning sky without a cloud and already the sun is as bright as it gets on many a summer's day here in this wonderful city of mine.  The weather as with the rest of the UK these past few days has been wonderful and long may it last I say.  

Yesterday was the day of the year so far, and may be one of the best of the year come the review in December.  The weather was perfect, and whilst I had asked others if they wanted to come out and walk with me, I ended up on my own.  Whilst out walking I had one of my moments where nothing matters, I find the peace and joy of being alone and experiencing everything myself, whilst also at the same time wishing to share with others.  The frown that I had been carrying vanished, a smile emerged and the much discussed debate over solitude opened up in my mind for a few minutes.  I didn't push myself walking yesterday, I did that last week when I pushed myself aorund the short daily course and suffered consequently, this was just a gentle paced walk.  However, as I sit and type this I know that perhaps I did too much, my foot is feeling sore which suggests that a 7 or 8 mile stroll wasn't the greatest idea I could do.  When I say sore, it's not achingly sore, more sore when walking.  So perhaps I need to reign in my walking not go as often till it heals properly.  I'll see how this week goes first though.  

Once home in the early throws of the afternoon, I relaxed I had some strawberries and cream in the fridge, and having had the "moment" earlier on I knew I had to have them in the afternoon rather than waiting till later.  The reason being that with what had happened in the house last week, and then the moment I was thinking of both my dad and cousin, both of whom have passed away.  Both of whom when it came to strawberries and cream, were crazy enough that arguements would fly over who had the most, or how a bigger strawberry was the same as two little ones, and that we'd all have to have equal portions.  I kid you not, if all 3 were together and that was rare considering my cousin lived in Canada, the arguements became rather heated over the strawberries.  So having been thinking about how much I missed them both, the fruit came out and on a warm spring day I sat down, with them dunking them into the cream, whilst watching an episode of the excellent BBC 3 series Lip Service.  I don't think I could have created a better scenario if I had tried.  It was all spur of the moment, and that's what made it so special.  

Come the evening things were a bit quieter, though it got colder as was to be expected, it was still warm.  I followed the hockey online and the Oilers won again, though after my last attemtps to listen live to the game proved fatal almost, I kept it to twitter updates and that proved a more scuccessful way of following the Oil.  Another poor season for the Oilers this year results wise.  However, the development of our young talent is important and I feel that with one or two additions to the roster, and some departures in the summer we could be looking at the play-off's next year.  However the thing is we have to keep healthy.  Every season of late we seem to lose a crazy number of games from the players and that just disrupts the whole team.  Still I said at the start of this season that 29th would be an improvement after 2 dead last seasons in a row.  With 7 or 8 games left we lie in 27th, and so things are good.  

Onto this week, more walking for sure, I've got a medical appointment tomorrow morning with regards my hand, the injury sustained in the fall I had before Christmas.  It's not gone away, though it isn't as sensitive as it was, it is still not right.  As I neared home from the walk yesterday I went to shut the water bottle cap down, and used the heel of my hand, but caught the point where I fell, the pain was dreadful.  Obviously something isn't quite right with it.  Hopefully we'll get some sort of answer tomorrow.  However, knowing my luck it won't be the answer that I'm expecting I guess. Apart from that things will be rather quiet this week I feel.  Though I'm sure I'll find things to talk or write about in due course.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Challenging myself

I got through yesterday, I ate enough, just enough to see me through till this morning.  I made a wonderful chilli late in the evening, so ended up eating at 8pm.  However, I've some left and so I'll keep that for a few days time when I do pancakes, as I'll have instant filler for them..  

On Monday I mentioned how one of the residents in the house had been taken to hospital, either on Monday or at some point in the week.  Yesterday, I found that she had passed away.  I hardly knew her, though she'd been here in the house for as long if not longer than myself perhaps.  I'm not a great fan of her partner, but I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on anyone.  It's added a dark edge to this week, after the events of last weekend, I just feel that this week, which had seemed to be a bright fun week last Friday night has turned into a jaded fun week.  The extra element is missing.  

However, I have managed to bring my walking times down which is good, I'll soon be back up to speed on that, and looking at what to do with that next.  I can't see any Manchester Shine walk for this year online, so perhaps they are taking a break from that.  Whilst I may offer my help to St. Anne's hospice a 10km walk is no longer a challenge as such now, I want to go further and push myself and challenge myself.  I'll see what I can find to do that soon.  

The weekend is upon us, and of course I hope that this forthcoming week is brighter than the last.  I'm due to see a doctor over my hand on Tuesday, up at Salford Gateway, so I may end up going for a walk up to there rather than getting the bus.  It will depend on the weather of course.  It would be a really nice walk over there, and interesting to see what the state of Salford Shopping City is today.  I've not been around there for ages, and certainly not since last August's "riots".  It was on it's last legs last time I was there, so I dread to think in many ways what it's like now. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Food for Thought???

It's coming up to 8am, I've been up for about an hour now, though I've been awake since roughly 5am, and for once I'm a little bored in the morning. Maybe because there is nothing to watch or none of the news outlets are giving me a variety of news stories I don't know, however this morning is quite odd.  It doesn't help when for some reason I'm craving for a bacon and cheese toasted sandwich for breakfast.  Something I've not had for a good 10 or 12 years to be honest.  Still I've got a busy day ahead of me eventually, so I'm not going to be bored for too long.  

Ahead of me today lies a meeting, and a walk so they'll certainly divert my mind away from it's non-functioning state onto something at least.  I do have programmes to watch, but I am thinking I want to keep them for later, though why that is I don't know.  By the time I've been for a walk or had the meeting I may have more things to do or found something to do which will occupy me.  So I guess I should sit and watch the shows that I've got and see what happens later.  

What is odd though is that most mornings I'm alive and active in mind, constantly running through things and being alert to news and stories and interested in what's going on.  Today isn't like that and that's odd as I'm more a morning person than most.  Oh well it is a one off I guess and perhaps I should ignore it.  

Yesterday was a quiet day in many ways a trip to Leigh didn't bring anything new up, I didn't get any of the feedback forms from last weeks presentation back, those will be chased up this for next week, so I can then build upon them.  I do want them filling in as I want to expand the presentation and want to develop it.  Having only verbal positives is fine, but written and constructive responses gives me a chance to evaluate it more.  I know it can get better and will, but at this point in time as I do every year after I've given this to the students I'm starting to question what they learnt from it and if it's any good.  I'd love to be able to go out to other colleges with it and perhaps be able to make a little bit of money if I can, but self confidence has so far stopped me.  I don't know what the written comments will do to change that, but I'm convinced that they will.  

Oh, I've read this back and whilst I have the chance to delete it, I'm leaving it.  I'm not falling into one of my dark moods, today is an odd day, and the self confidence well that's the case in good or bad days as we know.  This is a negative sounding post and I guess that whilst I write this I'm in a negative mood, however after walking and the meeting I may have taken a 180 degree turn and be bouncing and bubbly.  This is just a snap shot of how I feel right now at this point in the day.  I had no idea of what I could or should do as I'd seen all the news I wanted to, nothing was screaming out to go look and join in any discussion, and it was pre 8am, and less than an hour sincce getting up.  That's significant as I don't like having breakfast within the first hour of getting up at the moment.  This isn't to say I don't do it or have never done it.  In fact it's quite a new thing and only done since I had money issues.  Not buying copious amounts of food, and generally only having breakfast and an evening meal, with lunch being a rarity, eating at 7am and then between 6-7pm made the days rather longer.  Eating breakfast that bit later means I can go the day really without much of a lunch.  

That's something I thought I'd never write, but I have done and it's made me laugh writing it, as today seems to be a day when all I'm going to be thinking about is food.  This post started on food and now seems to be finishing about it, maybe that's the issue as to why I'm so none plus about today so far, because I need food.  I shouldn't mind as I had quite a large tea last night and something that I don't have often either and something I really enjoyed a nice steak.  So perhaps it's that?  Which signals the end of the post, I'm going put the kettle on, make myself my second cuppa of the day, then put the toast on and make breakfast and then engage in getting ready for the day.  Let's see if that does anything for me, if that gives me the spark to enjoy what looks like it's going to be a beautiful sunny spring day.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

SImple Walk

As I sat and typed yesterday I was doing so in the knowledge that I had sort of promised myself that I would post some of the thoughts I had whilst out walking.  I gave a over view of them by describing them as being fantasy, and that they are and don't deserve to be put out on here, as one of my favourite quotes from my little black book goes.

"Better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt".  

So the idea of writing what I think, unless it's got some meaning is going out of the window.  I certainly felt better for walking yesterday, though I did feel tired.  I had a meeting to attend in the evening, but went into Manchester before hand to buy some clothing to send to my aunt in Canada.  As I was on the tram into Manchester, I was reading my current book, the latest Dexter novel. However, it was a struggle as I could feel myself falling asleep, so I gave up about 2 or 3 stops before I was due to get off and put the book away to make sure I didn't fall asleep and subsequently wake up one stop to far.  It was after obtaining the shopping and grabbing some food that I had one of those crazy moments, that I'm putting down to being tired.  I saw a milkshake in a shop for sale, but for some reason thought I read it as Milk Free, Milkshake.  Why or how I don't know, but I double checked at least twice to make sure I wasn't correct in what I saw.  Once home last night and once I went to bed, I slept like a log and woke up at 5.55am, wondering why the breakfast show presenter was on the radio in the middle of the night, not really understanding that it was infact morning.  

Yesterday's walk told me lots of things about myself in terms of fitness, and todays was the same.  Both times were over an hour, though today I was just over an hour, but a good 20 seconds quicker than my time yesterday.  On both days I've had to stop at nearly the same point, yesterday to speak to a friend and today to post the clothes that I'd bought for my aunt off to Canada.  So when I get around to walking tomorrow, I'll hopefully not have any interuptions and I can perhaps get under the hour mark.  That shouldn't be a challenge as such, but it's so annoying that I'm walking at that pace, when I know I can do so much better than that, in fact in the time I am walking right now, I'd previously walked a full mile extra.  Still I'll keep at it, and I know that the times will tumble down and I hope my weight does as well.  I know I'm not putting anything on, but I've not lost for a month or two now, and I could do with losing more wieght.  

Good grief, as I'm typing this I've just yawned, and am starting to feel tired again.  I shouldn't be like this right now, however I am aware of all the ailments that I've had of late and so I know it's a combination of that and a lack of fitness regieme that's causing me to be so tired after a simple walk. 

Monday, March 19, 2012


Oh my!!  I have just returned after a walk only a 4 mile walk and it took me just over 1 hour.  That's shocking time wise, and what's worse is that felt it as well.  Now OK, I am recovering from a badly damaged foot, a water infection and of course a heavy cold, so I have to take into account that I'm not in the greatest of shapes because of that.  So I'm going to have to really work hard to improve that time and then push on to get back to 5 miles in an hour.  It's certainly an incentive to get out walking again.  

As I started to walk I decided to try and remember what I was thinking through the walk what was motivating me or what I was trying to use to motivate me to walk.  My mind was on what sort of time I'd manage and what route I'd take.  As this was the first walk in a while I knew I was going to go on my trusted route this time, however I had forgot how long it was distance wise.  Thus half way through it dawned on me that instead of the 5 miles I had in my head it was only the 4 mile course and that sort of woke me up. Still I can use this time as a base to improve on.  I tend to fantasise whilst I'm walking of what it would be like to be different, to be "normal" to be rich, to have some power etc.  My mind is odd normally, but even stranger when I'm walking.  

However, on a more sombre note, one of the other residents in the house in which I live (we have our seperate flats) was rushed to hospital this morning, it was very serious and so on returning to the house after my walk the police were arriving looking to gain entry into the flat they live in.  I hope she's OK, but it wasn't sounding good this morning and it's not looking to promising either.  In that respect this weekend hasn't been a nice one.  I just hope that she pulls through, that Muamba pulls through and my thoughts go out to the Kelly family in Scotland for the loss of a family member when they should be celebrating a success. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A beautiful day

Today is a beautiful spring day, the sun is out, the odd cloud drifting along the sky.  Yet, today I'm subdued by events on the football field yesterday.  We find a young sportsman clinging to life and a reality that football is nothing more than a game, and isn't as important some people and myself at times feel.  Last night I was at the BBC in Salford for a sports relief special 606, but that was not only delayed, but also cut short due to the situation that had taken place earlier in the day.  We should have been live, but that didn't happen and whilst some might moan over that, for me it was the correct call, and we'll get the chance to repeat our visit another time as they felt we'd been short changed under the circumstances.  

So this morning has been spent cleaning my oven, and listening to Just A Minute: Without Hesitation, a 3 hour special about this great radio show.  It is wonderful to hear old shows and certainly some of the great old contestants, Clement Freud, Kenneth Williams, Derick Nimmo and Peter Jones as well as some of the younger stars no longer with us, Linda Smith.  I've gone on before about how wonderful this show is before, so I won't carry on, anymore though if anyone wants to sit down and listen to this show  should do so HERE

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A Promise Kept

So it's been over a week since I last wrote, the cold got worse before it got better I'm afraid and I ensconced myself to my bed through out the following weekend, and watched the new series of Doctor Who from some where in the middle right through.  I'm feeling a lot better today and have ben rather active this week, though not totally active as I've still got some lingering effects of the cold and also my foot is still sore.  

However, I have to write today as I've kept a promise to someone.  They sent me a message over on facebook, which at first I found odd, and was a little unsure of.  With further investigation, I realised that I needed to look in here and see what I had been writing to see what had prompted the message.  This morning was the first time I'd come back here since and whilst I stick with my response that I gave over my general mood, I can certainly see why the message was sent.  Looking back perhaps I didn't choose my words in my previous post well, however I will point out I wasn't well, I was feeling sorry for myself, but I wasn't expecting any attention as such, it was just me feeling sorry for myself.  So I apologise to whomever for the wording, though I'll probably write similar again should I feel as ill as that.

That was a stinker of a cold, I don't normally find myself in bed with such an illness, however it paid off, in that I could at least concentrate on the Doctor Who episodes more than I would had I been up and about.  Normally when I'm ill it takes a great deal for me to not do anything.  Most people that I've worked with will have seen me at one stage or another working with a heavy cold or in some pain or other.  So for me to be as I was, was most unexpected.  

On to today, I'm off in a few minutes into Eccles, I've got to grab a few minor bits of shopping, before heading to the library to collect a couple of items, and on my way back I'll look in the craft fair and then art gallery, before mooching around the very small and basic farmer's market we have every 3rd Saturday.  I'll come home, listen or watch I don't know yet to the rugby before heading out to the BBC for the first 3 hour session of the Sport Relief 606 special that's being recorded (broadcast, I'm not sure) tonight.  I'm looking forward to this as it was fun last time I was around for 606 live.  No rest for the inactive though, one has to build up the stamina as from Monday I'm going to return to walking again, I'm sure that I'll be able to do my normal walk OK now, with some pain, but not a lot. 

Thursday, March 08, 2012

The warblings of a sick note.

I've come down with a head cold since I had a shower on Tuesday morning, and I'm not impressed by it what so ever.  Though I've had plenty worse colds than this and this is probably the only cold I've had all winter, it's a real nasty thing.  I've a cough and  my nose is well, it's congested, but it isn't.  It feels like I want to sneeze all the time, but can't because it's congested,.  I'm also aching some what, which doesn't help considering I'm still recoving from my foot injury.  

So I've been drinking plenty of honey and lemon today and had a big bowl of chicken soup for lunch, but I can't say that had the feel good power that it's so often does have.  If I'm honest I'm slumping into a malaise, primarily due to the cold and for no other reason.  I'm feeling sorry for myself and I'm not getting any attention as such.  Not that Ive asked for any if you know what I mean.  

In the past week I've read two books, and really enjoyed doing so, today I collected a third book, but I'm not feeling motivated to even begin reading it, which is a slight problem, but one I'll force myself out of.  I'll settle down later tonight and complete the first chapter and take it from there.  However, that's the sort of mood I'm in.  It didn't help with some kids being kids this afternoon.  I know them and they don't mean anything by it, but they passed comment and I just felt slightly upset by it.  I wouldn't mind, but I helped them out as well prior to them saying what they did.  I can't really take it out on them, the oldest can only be 9 or 10, but still when your not well, not feeling 100% the defences are down.  

On to the next day or so, I'm hoping this cold goes and I can go about every day life feeling so much better.  I've got my presentation to give to the students next Wednesday over in Leigh, and whilst I know I should be running through that, again I've got not get up and go to do so today.  I'm out next Thursday afternoon for an hour or so as well.  I will be seeing an old friend for coffee.  That should be enjoyable, well it will be if I'm over the bloody cold.  I may also go do something I've not done for some time next week, I'll see how it goes, but hey I may be brave, stupid and reckless.  Which perhaps is not like me, well it is, or it was or at least I always thought it was. 

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Reading is good.

Once more I enter into the blog, once more I offer up what's on my mind.  My last post talked about my reasoning to panic with relation to my best friend, and I can't recall now if it was prior or not to her response without looking.  However I don't want to do that, as it may influence what I'm going to type in the this entry.

Since then my mood has been as smooth as a babies bottom as the one phrase goes.  I've just had no reason to get upset or to high.  I have been reading quite a bit since then, having picked up a couple of books so far from the library.  I think I'd picked up one up just after my previous post, and have read that book in 2 or 3 days, I took that back yesterday and am now just under half way through my next book.  I've a further two books on order to read, so hopefully by the time I complete this book another book will be ready for me to read and then again after completing that on I'll be ready for the next and then with a bit of luck another book will be in need of purchasing.

Talking of money, I got a big break over the weekend, I got a tax rebate which equates to a considerable amount of money for me.  That will go to the estate agents in a couple of weeks and leave me with some, not much left over.  That means that debt will be paid off and will leave me with my other one to pay off.  I'll continue to pay the same sort of money I'm paying now every two weeks, so I won't have any extra money for now, but by my calculations I should be clear of debts now by late November.  This of course is good news, it means that I will be slightly better off and possibly have money to spend on the odd special item as such, like concert tickets or new clothes or something.  Money issues have been a major issue over the past couple of years and to be free of that will be nice.  I will be able to take that off my worry list and perhaps start to move forward, whilst also saving up to pay some people back.  They may not want me to do that, but I will make some effort.  

Any how, what next?  Well I'm back at the doctors tomorrow, I want the nurse to look at my hand again, it really hasn't improved, it's not got any worse either so I don't know what to make of it.  I will also try and get another water sample to them, to see if I'm free of the water infection that I've had, and to get a new prescription for myself.  Apart from that not a lot has gone on of late, I've been good and kept myself busy whilst making sure not to spend too much money. 

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Why Panic??

White Rabbit, Happy St.David's day and welcome to March......

I'm fine, I'm happy and my blog posting have proven that, no dark matters, nothing to concern yourselves with and yet,                      and yet I revert back to a mild state of paranoia.   I say mild as it is indeed mild compared to some of the times I've tried winding myself up about.  This time I sent a text to my best friend having not heard from her for a while.  I couldn't think of anything I'd said wrong, or done or hadn't done.  I have been convincing myself that everything was OK< that I had to cause for alarm, and yet I still had to send a text saying sorry for what ever.  

Now is that insecurity in me?  Why would I be insecure in the strongest friendship I've ever had?  Is it me being scared of losing that?  However, I'd have heard something before now about this had I done something wrong.  Still I panic, still I can't stop trying to figure out why, even though I'm telling myself not to worry, that  the reasons given are exactly the reasons that had prevented me from doing just this previously.  So why today??

To be honest I don't know, and that's the strangest thing about it, I did what I normally end up doing and will continue to do so from time to time.  It's something that I've got to unlearn to do.