Monday, June 29, 2015

I am not old

9 whole days since I last spoke in here and they've been funny days, nothing has sent me spinning out of control and nothing has sent me spinning up high.  However, the days have been spent in a almost subdued feeling, I'm not sure if it's the effects of not taking my anti-depressants and if I'm finding my level ground again.  I certainly don't feel as if I'm going to spiral again and so it may just be a lull.  

One thing to note during this period has been my health, my hips have eased slightly since the X-Ray, but I find out tomorrow hopefully the results of the said X-Ray and then we can begin with some form of program to recovery.  That will, I hope also include some weight gain.  I had to to go to the doctors last week, where one of the nurses reviewed my asthma.  My lung capacity for the peak flow test gave the best results they've got for me on record, so that's something, perhaps that's down to the steroids I've been taking.  What the review included was to weighed and it confirmed that I had put one weight (that was visibly obvious), and how much weight I'd put on.  I've been saying for some time how much weight I'd put on and though I was sort of guessing I was spot on.  It means I've got a lot to take off, but if I can get my head into gear then I'll do it for sure.  I may need the help of someone to get me started and keep me going for the first couple of weeks, but I can do it and will.

I managed to get 5 words out of my sister today, when I bumped into her whilst out shopping.  She didn't want to say them, but I forced her hand.  I know we are as bad as each other, but with the situation as it is, and the way she was last August/September after mum died, I thought perhaps things may get a little better.  Well no, they are exactly as I'd predicted for so many years and have probably predicted in here.  As soon as mum's house is sold and the money divided, she'll never speak to me again.  It angers me, frustrates me and upsets me, but it's her choice not mine.  

Still on the other hand, I sort of got a half agree of sorts from my niece that we'll get together this summer to do something, probably go for lunch sometime or dare I say it now she's 18 a drink, and that will make me feel old.  Which seems to be happening a lot of late.  Nothing wrong with being old as such and I certainly wouldn't say  I am old, it's just working with younger people as such can make you feel so much older than you are times.  

This week is going to be a good one, first off the weather is supposed to be stunningly warm, which I'll enjoy, secondly on Friday, it's the annual Chorlton Beer Festival, where I'll be out with a couple of friends, enjoying the samples.  Thirdly next Sunday, I'll be off to see James at Delamere Forest, which promises to be a great gig and the forest is really pretty so it could be something special.  If anything was going to get me down over the past few days, it was  the news that my best friend yet again is going to miss a James gig she'd bought tickets for.  It also means we won't get the chance to catch up with each other.